Funny Headlines

literacy1I like reading newspaper headlines. They cleverly give you the gist of what the article is about and then, at the same time, entice you to read it. For example, in yesterday’s Chicago Tribune were the following: “Emmanuel [mayor] Pulls Plug on Energy Plan”; “Parents Pluck Apples from Kid’s Wish List.” You can probably guess that the first had to do with the Chicago’s electricity rates and the second referred to parents cutting back on expensive Christmas gifts for their children this year— did you know that 48% of 6-12 year olds want an Apple iPad for Christmas? However, sometimes headlines have a life of their own. Here are some actual headlines which leave one wondering “did they really mean to say that? Enjoy…

Utah Poison Control Center Reminds Everyone Not to take Poison

Parents Include Children When Baking Cookies

Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons

Tornado Rips Through Cemetery, Hundreds Dead

City Unsure Why Sewer Smells

Man Eats Underwear to Beat Breathalyzer (don’t think about this too long)

State Prisons to Replace Easy Open Locks

Man Accused of Killing Lawyer Receives New Attorney

Most Earthquake Damage is Caused by Shaking (no kidding)

Homicide Victims Rarely Talk to Police

Camouflaged Army Vehicle Disappears (good paint job)

Waterford Boy, 8, Saves Sisters Life (Then they added this quote from the boy after the headline:  “I wouldn’t do it again. She’s been a pain this week.”)

Ten Commandments: Court Says Some OK, Some Not

One Armed Man Applauds the Kindness of Strangers (Seriously?)

DOE to do NEPA’s EIS on BNFL’s AMWTP at INEEL after SRA protest (Do you have any idea of what the article was about?)

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax (Eat mor chik’n)

Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan

Two Convicts Escape Noose, Jury Hung

Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One

Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad she Hasn’t Seen in Years

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

Just a little reminder to say what you mean and mean what you say.

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